Music, Math, and Mirena

Jul. 6th, 2015 03:00 pm
[syndicated profile] snopes_feed
News: Various news outlets report that Seattle sixth graders can obtain IUDs without parental consent but cannot buy soda at school.

Both Ends Burning

Jul. 6th, 2015 03:00 pm
[syndicated profile] snopes_feed
NEWS: What appeared to be a spate of arsons at Southern black churches following the Charleston massacre was likely a product of confirmation bias.

Redemption in Indigo by Karen Lord

Jul. 6th, 2015 08:30 pm
[syndicated profile] 50books_poc_feed

Posted by lady_anemone

Book 24 for me was an amazing short piece, Redemption in Indigo by Karen Lord. This is a retelling of an African folk tale. I found it so beautiful and evocative! I strongly recommend this one and I'm looking forward to exploring more of Lord's work.

Read all about it here!
renenet: (vividcon community icon)
[personal profile] renenet posting in [community profile] vividcon
Quick reminder that today, July 6th, is the last day our hotel room rates are guaranteed for VividCon. If you still need to place a room reservation, please do it today to ensure you get our rate. See the hotel page on our website for full details, including the online reservation link.

OMG, only a month to go! So excited!!!

So the thing about Magic Mike is

Jul. 6th, 2015 01:02 pm
giandujakiss: (Default)
[personal profile] giandujakiss
It's really interesting to think about the way strippers are portrayed in Magic Mike the Sequel versus any movie with female strippers and male clients.

Read more, not really spoilery, mostly because MM has no plot )

Dearborn in the U.S.A.

Jul. 6th, 2015 03:00 pm
[syndicated profile] snopes_feed
FACT CHECK: Did President Obama sign an executive order authorizing the opening of an ISIS-sympathetic youth center in Dearborn?

Sign Wave

Jul. 6th, 2015 03:00 pm
[syndicated profile] snopes_feed
FACT CHECK: Does a photograph document that Walmart stores were ordered to remove “Made in the USA” signs because the company is “ashamed of the U.S.”?
[syndicated profile] captainawkward_feed

Posted by JenniferP

A still of the Hulk in a pile of rubble from The Avengers

“HULK WILL NOT FEEL GOOD ABOUT THIS TOMORROW, HULK CAN TELL.”

Dear Captain Awkward,

One of my friends gets angry a lot. To be more specific: one of my friends gets angry at things that are not me, and vents to me a lot. I don’t mind being available to vent to in the general case, but.

Bruce, let’s call him, gets especially angry when anxious. When he gets angry, it generally takes the form of explosive swearing. Even though I know where he’s coming from, there’s only so much tirade I can handle before getting anxious (in-person anger scares the crap out of me, online anger not directed at me takes a while longer to do that) or exasperated. I don’t feel this is something I want to abandon this friendship over, but I also am pretty sure that I do not need to let him expound on how enraged he is over some mishap with something he’s nervous about for extended lengths of time.

My question is one of diplomacy: How can I ask him to calm down without pissing him off more? I just want a little less freakout time here. (I think he would benefit too, but that’s really not within my control.)

(For the record: This is an online friendship, so I am not getting any of this in person, and I do not feel threatened or unsafe; no threats are even being made, just a lot of directionless swearing. I’m just not especially comfortable with it past a certain point.)

–Frets in the face of Frustration

Dear Frets:

Keeping your hilarious subject line, thnx.

“How can I ask him to calm down without pissing him off more?”

You can’t. If he’s in #$%@!@#$%-mode, being challenged on his behavior probably isn’t going to make him feel or react better. That doesn’t mean you can’t ask him to calm down, or better yet, since “calm down!” has never induced greater calm in any situation, validate the feelings, ask him to knock it off, and if he won’t, de-escalate the situation by leaving it.

  • Bruce, I can see that you are really upset about x, and I’m sorry about that. But can you save this rant for later? I want to keep talking with you, but I’m not here for being All Caps Screamed At.
  • “BUT I’M NOT SCREAMING AT YOU.” “Cool, but you’re still doing the equivalent of screaming, and it’s making me wicked uncomfortable. I’m gonna go, let’s talk tomorrow.”
  • Bruce, I can see that you are angry, but I don’t have the energy for a rant right now. I’m gonna log off, hopefully we can catch up later.
  • When in doubt, ask: “Bruce, I don’t like leaving you when you are feeling this upset, but I’m also not here for a full Hulk-rant right now. What can we do so that you get what you need, without the swears, etc.?” His answer might be: LISTEN TO RANT and yours might be: SORRY, BRO, I CAN’T and that’s okay, but giving him a choice and some responsibility in what happens gives him the chance to surprise you.

If he does calm down, yayyyyy! If he doesn’t, you can say “Sorry, friend, I’m really not able to hang out for this right now” and then go *poof* out of whatever chat program you are using (or set your settings to invisible) and try another day. Don’t ask permission or negotiate, by the way, just, “I am going” + GO.

If you do this a few times and nothing really changes, and you are close enough friends that you feel like you can say “Hey, are you managing your anxiety okay? Is it time to see someone/adjust some dosages? Because lately you seemed maybe to not be okay,” then throw that out there during a calm, non-ranty period. Getting him to seek help isn’t your responsibility, and managing the behaviors that come with his unhappy feelings isn’t your responsibility, but a good friend can sometimes offer an outside perspective along the lines of “Do you realize how often you do this thing? This thing that annoys and troubles me and also doesn’t seem to improve your mood any?

One reaction he may have is embarrassment and shame, which may come out as a question to you along the lines of “If this is how you felt, why did you ‘let’ it go on so long?” Like “calm down,” that question can really make a person feel defensive, so one thing you can do to de-escalate is to try not get defensive. “I don’t know, Bruce. I never loved that aspect of our conversations, but I knew it was just you harmlessly blowing off steam, and I hoped that once you finished a rant you’d feel better. After a while, I felt like I needed to say something, because it was making me uncomfortable and I’d like you to stop.

Bottom line: Don’t try to fix him or his behavior, release yourself from responsibility to not accidentally piss off a person who is ALREADY INTERNET SCREAMING AT YOU, take care of yourself when it gets to be too much for you, come back another time with an open mind. Just because it’s happening through a screen doesn’t make it okay and doesn’t mean it’s not affecting you. You are absolutely correct that you don’t have to hang out all the time every time listening to this stuff.

It seems like a good time to remind everyone of the art of HULK-KU, which are haiku written in the voice of the Incredible Hulk.

1

ACOUSTIC TRIO

HULK SMASH BAD GUITAR PLAYER

ACOUSTIC DUO

2

DANCEABLE POP SONG

MAKE HULK SING INTO HAIRBRUSH

HULK FEEL EMPOWERED

3

CHECKOUT LINE TOO LONG

GOOD THING HULK WORE PURPLE SHORTS

UNDER PANTS TODAY

4

ANXIETY DREAM:

HULK LEAVES PURPLE SHORTS AT HOME

PANTSLESS RAMPAGE, SHAME

5

HULK RESUME SAY

HATE TEAMWORK, SMASH ALL MEETINGS

ALWAYS BE SMASHING

Channel your rage and write your own! Also, if this image of a little girl dressed as the Hulk for Halloween in a purple tutu doesn’t bring you joy, you might be dead inside, so get that looked at.


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