Current Television: A Survey.

[tablesaw]

What I'm watching, what I'm not watching, and why.

Monday

• Las Vegas: I stopped watching a while ago. This is supposed to be a light, fun show, but it often seems too belaboredly so. I get the feeling that everyone's trying so hard to have a good time making the show that they're not really having a good time making the show. Except James Caan. Moreso in every episode, he looks like he's wondering how he got there.
  
  
• CSI: Miami: I stopped watching a while ago because I was getting very bored. I did tune in recently to see one of the cast members get killed. That was fun. But, sadly, there are no apparent plans to kill the rest of them.
  
  
• LAX: I saw the premiere and was bored stupid.
  
  
• BBC America: They've got a rotating lineup of shows under the aegis of "Mystery Monday." They were recently airing Prime Suspect, and now they've shifted to a different series called McCallum. It's not spectacular, but it's fun and watchable. I'm more intrigued by Red Cap, of which I've only seen one episode so far. Most wonderfully, BBCA repeats these shows for quite a while, which means that if I wake up late, as I am wont to do on my day off, I don't miss anything.

Tuesday

• Gilmore Girls: I'm not really watching this. But that's okay, since nothing really seems to be happening right now. Generally, I just let it play in the other room while I'm waking up or working on the computer. It's the peppy, non-muzak background music of the television world.
  
  
• Veronica Mars: Watching religiously. And you should be too. Especially all you folks who are already pledging your fandom to Lost. Veronica Mars is far more deserving. It doesn't sound like much. It's set in an affluent stand-in for south Orange County/north San Diego County. Veronica Mars helps her father as a private investigator and solves crimes for her classmates. There's a buried mystery in the community surrounding the death of Veronica Mars' best friend. Seems like anything that could be on the WB, right? Except somebody made the bizarre decision that the audience should be treated with intelligence. Conflicts are underplayed. Clues aren't always reinforced by dialogue. The direction actually requires you to watch the show, pay attention, and think about what's going on.
  
  It's not pitch-perfect. Sometimes the writing veers into hackery, particularly when Veronica Mars narrates in voice-over. Also, everyone uses Veronica Mars' full name for no apparent reason (and you might have noticed how absurd it's gotten in just these two paragraphs). Still, it's easily the best new show of the season, and it deserves to get several seasons of its own. And if I don't get to find out how Lily was killed because you lot didn't watch it enough, you'll never live it down.
  
  
• Clubhouse: Haven't watched it. I mean, come on!
  
  
• Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: Definitely the best L&O on the air. SVU does a good job of working keeping the resonance of their stories going. Stories flow naturally, deal with the emotional effects of these crimes on the victims, the perpetrators, and the crime-solvers. Watch it whenever I can.

Wednesday

• Lost: I'm enjoying this show, though not as much as others who seem to have taken it as their post-Whedon messiah. See, I'm beginning to get worried. I enjoyed the premiere because the show seemed willing to take its time. That's something few shows are willing to do. I enjoyed Carnivale for the same reason. But Lost is no Carnivale, especially when it comes to re-exposition. You know what I mean, it's that part at the beginning of each episode where someone decides to re-expose the fact that there was a plane crash, and nobody is coming to rescue them, and cetera, and cetera, and everything that's every happened. See, when you're moving slowly and thoughtfully, you don't need to do all that. It makes me feel like there's a game of hurry-up-and-wait going on. "Quickly, let me tell you about all of the plots we're working on so that we can progress them forward barely noticeably!" It's very frustrating.
  
  Moreover, I'm getting the sinking feeling that things will fall apart in the long run. Lost has the potential to fall into a few series traps. It can fall into the Twin Peaks trap of being unable to sustain itself when the mysteries start to run dry and there's no way to add new ones. I mean, they're on an island! They can't just bring in new characters out of nowhere in season three, though the probably will. It can also, as my friend Artistry pointed out, fall into the Alias trap of reinventing itself and the wheel. Now, unlike others, I don't mind it so much in Alias, which I liken to a comic book. Comic-book titles get reinvented every so often when writers and artists change, c'est la vie. But I'm going to be put out if we get "Suddenly, two years later . . ." on Lost.
  
  Still, in the meantime, i'm enjoying it, though not as much as Veronica Mars.
  
  
• Smallville: Smallville is Smallville is Smallville. It's big, it's broad, it's homoerotic, and it's got superheroes and space-mutated teenagers. I don't know what else to say.
  
  
• The West Wing: With nothing but The Mountain and Kevin Hill running against it, I may watch this more than last year. Though, probably not much. Man did that show go downhill last year. Maybe they'll kill some people, that'll be fun. Ideally, CSI: Miami will kill off Ainsley so that she can return to The West Wing and be killed there. Now don't get me wrong, I think Emily Procter is cute. But I want blood from these shows.
  
  
• CSI: NY: I watch this occasionally for comedic value. In every episode I've seen, Gary Sinise, the star, looks like he's about to kill himself. Always. It's bizarre. Why would they think that it'd be a good idea to focus a show on him? "He's clinically depressed, one step away from ODing on sleeping pills . . . and he solves crimes!" Also, I know some of my friends wonder why the Las Vegas CSIs don't turn on lights, but as far as I can tell, the NY CSIs are half-elven and have infravision. This show is possibly darker than Doom 3.
  
  
• Law & Order: Original Recipe: I'm board by L&O:OR. It's gotten too slick for its own good, in my opinion, and things just aren't very interesting most of the time. derspatchel has eloquently condensed the formula, and there's not much else to it. I switch between this and CSI:NY for what show I'm only barely going to watch.

Thursday

• Survivor: Vanuatu, Islands of Fire: I'm a big Survivor supporter, but this season is boring as hell. I'm not bothering to tape if I wake up late. If something interesting seems to happen later on, I may start paying close attention, but really I've written it off till the next season. It doesn't matter how twisty they make the challenges, voting, et cetera. When the cast is boring, the show dies.
  
  
• CSI: Las Vegas: I have high hopes for this season; I don't know why, really. It's the same old show, Mr. Wizard meets Dragnet, but I think it seems a bit brighter. I dunno, I like it.
  
  
• The Apprentice: Still addictive, amazingly. As I've mentioned, I don't think that this show can stay addictive, though. On the other hand, this cast has its problems. There don't appear to be any women who are even partway competent, which means there's a whole group of people that we seethe with hate at while Trump slowly works his way through them. What's worse, the one woman who was partway decent has already been eliminated. It's true that she probably wouldn't have made it all the way, and so in one sense, it doesn't mater when she was eliminated. However, it's really disgusting watching the rest of the players continue on. Also, Trump seems to have gotten an even bigger head this season, and some of his recent decisions have gone against what his trusty and lovable advisors seem to have wanted. Message to Trump: George and/or Carolyn almost always speak with the voice of the audience. You want to look good? Listen to them. But the show is still well edited and often hilarious.
  Note: I watch this show after the Friday CNBC rerun. I thank you in advance for not spoiling me on my friends page.

Friday

• Joan of Arcadia: I watch this show (wait for it) religiously. The writing's very good and often hilarious. Joan get's messages from God, who is gratefully underwritten. For the most part, God is more interested in being snarky at Joan than in giving platitudes, though the comforting explanatory message often arises. There are also some bizarre subplots involving Joan's policeman father who works in a building where everything is filtered drastically blue. Thankfully, though, most of the focus is on Joan and her friends, who are interesting and funny. Hooray!
  I tell my friends to watch it, but not as rabidly as with Veronica Mars because Joan is doing well on a major network and has the built-in fanbase of people who only watch television shows about God.
  
  
• Monk: Tony Shalhoub is a freakin' genius. That's all you really need to know. There are some mysteries, but they're not very important. It's all about Mr. Monk and his obsessive-cumpulsive disorder. It's done well, honestly and with variety, so it never seems to be a one-note tune.
  
  
• Dr. Vegas: Remember what I said was wrong with Las Vegas? It's all better in this show. Which is bizarre. I don't know what the writers of this show are thinking, but the actors make everything better. The main characters all have backstories that are designed to give them emotional depth. Oddly enough, they do, even though the scenes dedicated to being deep and serious fail miserably. But the actors remember and work it into their other scenes. It's hard to explain how it works, but the balance is right. Dr. Vegas seems to be able to absorb its contrivedness deep into itself. It's there if you look for it, but often, you don't need to. And even when you do, it makes an odd kind of sense. I'm not going out of my way to watch this, but every time I do, I have a fun time.
  
  
• Medical Investigations: I saw the premiere and, um, some stuff happened, I guess, or something. It didn't really make an impression. That's why I'm not watching it.

Saturday

• Teen Titans: This show keeps getting better. And Robin keeps getting more and more insane. I think that the Teen Titans Robin may be more screwed up than Batman. Which just goes to show: the only way to be more screwed up than the guy who dresses in black and beats people up because he saw his parents murdered as a child, is to be raised by that guy after having your parents killed as a child.
  
  
• Justice League: Unlimited: With the switching around of the original Justice League I saw far fewer shows than I should have. But I really like this new incarnation. The rotating heroes are a lot of fun. The half-hour format will make it easier to keep track of than the one-hour, but it makes me wonder what some of the episodes would be like with more time.
  
  
• Megas XLR: This show just gets funnier and funnier. And funnier. Nice.

Sunday

• Cold Case: There's nothing spectacular about the mysteries here, but I enjoy watching it. I'll probably switch over to Fox when The Simpsons/Arrested Development block returns.
  
  
• The Simpsons: Yeah, it's jumped the shark, but it's always possible that it might jump back! Right? Right? Oh well, no big loss if it doesn't.
  
  
• Law and Order: Criminal Intent: This is such a wonderfully bizarre show. Like Monk, it's only interesting because of the bizarrely brilliant detective, in this case an NYPD officer. Det. Goren is wacky and quirky as he solves his crimes. His partner, Det. Eames, is great too. While it's clear that she's not the star detective, she's more than adept at something few people can or could do, keep up with Goren. Then, at the end of each episode, Vincent D'Onofrio chews up the scenery in a bizarre psychological game with the suspect. You see, for some reason, physical evidence is never enough to nail these guys, there always has to be some bizarre setup that makes them give themselves away. It's formulaic, but incredibly funny.
  
  I dream of a bizarre Monk/L&O:CI crossover. Please let that happen someday.
  
  
• Jack and Bobby: I saw the premiere, but it didn't grab me. Even the sexy Jessica Pare can't lure me to it. Which is sad, really.
  
  
• Desperate Housewives: I know nothing about this show, but I've heard some good things. I may try to catch it someday soon.
  
  
• Boston Legal: Not a great show, but it has several moments of extreme brilliance every episode. Many of them focus around James Spader, who seems to be as good at inspiring great lines as he is at delivering them. It's very clearly a David Kelly show, and it's still finding its tone, but it's pretty fun to watch in the meantime. Also, they have learned the secret of getting The Shatner to act well: don't let him do anything. That's the thing about overactors, when you force them to underact, you often get good acting. There've been some great scenes with him.
  
  
• Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law: I just watched "Blackwatch Plaid" for about the hundredth time, and it's still hilarious. This show has gotten very good, and I can't wait to watch it get better. Sadly, that won't been until next year. Until then, cheers, reruns!
  
  
• Sealab 2021: I haven't found it funny in a while. But it's only fifteen minutes, and it's in between two shows I like, so, whatever.
  
  
• Aqua Teen Hunger Force: Once the heavy-hitter of the Adult Swim lineup, I think this show has been having a lot more misses. But it's still a pretty strong show.
  
  
• The Brak Show: Now and always: meh.
  
  
• Venture Brothers: I saw the pilot last year. At first, it was funny, but it didn't really hold up. The idea of a dysfunctional Quest family was nice, but it was played too baldly to seem interesting. I thought it was going to be a one-note parody of the Questish adventure series. Boy, was I wrong. The subsequent series episodes have shown amazing depth and emotion. It's gotten over the misconception that dysfunctions are funny, replacing it with watching the comedy of watching the family when its forced to function. There are real moments of family, and the dysfunctions are real and grounded.
  
  The creators have chosen to continue expanding on the Venture world, and it gets more and more interesting each time. Yes, the bodyguard Brock is an killing machine that's always on the version of launching into a berserker frenzy, but there's actually a reason. And he despite that, he still manages to care about the naive Venture brothers, after a fashion. Add to all of this family comedy the kind of mundane superheroics that made The Tick great. The characters have histories with each other, and there's a strange union-like agreement between scientists and villains. It makes some interactions similar to the old wolf-and-sheepdog cartoons. Yeah, they fight, but there's still plenty of time outside the working day to relax.
  
  The ratings for this show keep climbing, and let's hope they continue to do so. GO TEAM VENTURE!