More Than You Ever Wanted to Know About the Election.

[tablesaw]

I've gone crazy with the information available about California's Special Election on Oct. 7. You know, the one with Ahnold (and some other stuff that may influence the political future in California). This is some of the greatest stuff I've seen for a while. Since I'm obsessing about it, I thought I'd put some of the most important, the most interesting, and the most trivial information together. Most of the information is LJ-cut because it ended up going long, but I left the candidate tallies up front because it's useful information and I really like the way the table (which I stole from the Secretary of State's webpage) looks. But first, a quick update about some of the candidates I've already mentioned in this very journal.

Where Are They Now?
Reality TV producer Sergio Mendes and 100-year-old 99-Cent-Store ambassador Mathilda Karel Spak will not be on the ballot, 2 of the 112 to be rejected due to unspecified problems with their applications. Brian Flemming, who entered the race with a promise to immediately resign and instate Lt. Gov. Cruz Bustamante, withdrew without filing papers after Bustamante himself threw his hat in the ring. Neither Bill Murray will be on the ballot, although Michael Jackson (a Satellite Project Manager) will. Bob Dole will also be on the ballot, but his listing as "Robert 'Butch' Dole" will distinguish him from Mr. Viagra.

And with that done, here's the real information:

<td> Total</td> <td> 247</td> <td> 135</td>

Party	Candidates Filed	Candidates on Ballot
Democratic	95	50
Republican	77	42
American Independent	3	1
Green	6	4
Libertarian	4	3
Natural Law	2	2
Peace and Freedom	2	1
Independent	58	32

It's a Wired Weird Election.
Number of candidates who listed . . .
Websites: 59
Websites that were their own names: 15
Websites in the form [name][for/4]gov[ernor]: 25
Email addresses: 97
Email addresses from hotmail.com: 5
Email addresses from yahoo.com: 6
Email addresses from aol.com: 14
Email addresses from ButtMonkeyBeer.com: 2

Other interesting websites hosting candidates or their email addresses: mooseyard.com, www.smokersparty.com, www.ekay.com, www.freenation.tv, www.fthemovie.net, www.devasbar.com, and www.davisforgovernor.org.

Why Are We on the Fringe?"
Statements taken from the submissions of Political Party statements, to be included in the Voter Information Pamphlet:

• "The Libertarian Party is American as apple pie."
• "[The Natural Law Party's] principals and programs are based upon the newest scientific knowledge revealed by quantum physics . . . ."
• "The American Independent Party will stop the rape of the consumers and taxpayers by the giant energy/utility monopolies."

You'd Leave Your Job for This?
According to the candidates' listed occupations . . .
Number of businesspersons, business owners, executives and entrepreneurs: 52
Number of lawyers: 16
Number of teachers and educators: 10
Number of writers: 7
Number of actors, musicians or performers of some sort: 6
Number of people who need slashes to accurately describe their jobs: 37
Number of candidates who list "Father", "Mother" or "Parent" as part (using a slash) of their jobs: 5
Number of candidates who declined to list occupations: 2

Although Mary Cook (aka Mary Carey) proudly listed her occupation as "Adult Film Actress", Larry Flynt merely called himself a "Publisher."

The candidates for the job of the governor list the following among their varied careers: Retired Meatpacker, Adult Film Actress, Musician/Laborer, Businessman/Prizefighter/Father, Psychologist/Farmer, Railroad Switchman/Brakeman, Tribal Chairman, Fathers' Issues Author, Cigarette Retailer, Golf Professional, Middleweight Sumo Wrestler, Business Intelligence Analyst, and Lieutenant Governor

In Their Own Words. Each candidate is allowed a 250-word statement to be placed into the Voter Information Pamphlet. I couldn't read them all, but I did skim them, and here are some quotes that jumped out at me (all capitalization and punctuation is from the original):

• "I dream like Martin Luther King, for my Grand Children." — Vik S. Bajwa
• "I'm for a workers' and farmers' government, which will abolish capitalism in the U.S. and join in the worldwide struggle for socialism." — Joel Britton
• "Atlas Shrugged, America's second most influential book, was written by an immigrant to California who predicted our current mess and offered an inspiring solution." — D. (Logan Darrow) Clements
• "California is the most progressive state in the union and I'm sure its citizens would welcome having a smut peddler who cares as their Governor." — Larry Flynt
• "I am the AttorneyBuster." — Gene Forte
• "Single adults are the Rodney Dangerfields of our society. They 'can't get no respect.'" — Richard Andrew Gosse
• "What's it all about? www.ivanhall.com" — Ivan A. Hall (entire text of handwritten statement)
• "Dear Voters, Please vote for me, thus breaking the Seventh Seal and incurring Armageddon." — Trek Thunder Kelly
• "We should teach basic criminal penalties and yoga in our schools." — Bruce Margolin
• "If elected, he pledges to solve all the state's problems in twenty-two minutes and forty-four seconds with two commercial breaks and a hug at the end." — Bill Prady
• "I BREATHE." — Kevin Richter (entire text of handwritten statement)
• "As the leading middleweight of the 2003 California State Sumo Series [. . .], I will attack the 800-lb. gorilla of big government from every angle." — Kurt E. Rightmeyer
• "I am optimistic, with the calm confidence of a Christian with four aces." — Ned Roscoe
• "Corporations pay to have their names on ballparks--why not on the 405 Freeway?" — David Ronald Sams
• "Californians: Rise up; cast off the chains of tyranny!" — B.E. Smith
• "Recall? Vote NO!" &mdash Christopher Sproul (entire text of handwritten statement)
• "Once An Aspirant Catholic Priest, I support life from conception to the grave and the right to bear arms." — Alex-St. James
• "I pray that the Wonderful Counselor, the Mighty God will guide me in all decisions, especially in selecting the best and brightest trusted servants to resolve the budget crises and heal our land. 2 Chronicles 7:14" — Diane Beall Templin
• "I'll do the best job I can and take responsibilty for my actions." — Matt Lemcke (entire text of statement)

Angelyne, Gary Coleman, Gallagher, and Arnold Schwarzenegger did not submit statements that I could find.

Even More Miscellaneous Information.
Number of candidates with a nickname in quotation marks: 8
Number of non-recall-related propositions on the Special Election ballot: 2
Number of State Assembly Districts in California: 80
Number of candidates who will never be first on the ballot in any district: 55
Number of languages into which all voter information must be translated in Contra Costa County: 5
Current estimated cost for the special election (much of it borne by individual counties): $66 million

Comments

[shadesong.livejournal.com]

What a great post.

Gallagher is running. Gallagher. The watermelon-smashing guy.

[tablesaw]

Would you like his business number? It's (800) 791-0021.

[shadesong.livejournal.com]

I could interview him. *perk*

[internet-addict.livejournal.com]

Unfortunately, the Sec'ty of State decided that Don Novello (aka Father Guido Sarducci) had mis-filed his paperwork.

Don Novello is also the person who came up with the idea of using Portuguese Water Dogs to swim in the bay and catch fly balls from PacBell park that land in the water. Yes, this is what they actually do.

thank you!

[valancy17.livejournal.com]

I appreciate you posting about the recall. I'm overwhelmed by how many places there are to look for information about it, so you're doing a great service here. :) Thanks!

Re: thank you!

[tablesaw]

Thank you. I've always had a passion for politics gone weird, ever since I was glued to my radio during the Clarence Thomas hearings. It's at times like this when politics finally becomes, by necessity, interesting.

[fuldu.livejournal.com]

Damn you, Tablesaw! I was running through those statements for quotes to compile for LJ. Since we've essentially been taking turns posting about this, I now don't know what I'm going to say next. The Chicago Tribune had a picture today of Gallagher standing in front of the Treasury holding a 1.5 ft diameter, 2 ft. high tin cup with the words "Help CA!" printed on it. I think my vote for "Amusing candidate who's received the least attention" is Dr. Warren Farrell, author of such books as The Myth of Male Power and The Liberated Man.

[tablesaw]

Ha-ha!

Farrell has a great Candidate statement, but the effect only comes across with a lot more text than I wanted to excerpt. I also love the specificity of his occupation: "Fathers' Issues Author." And, for what it's worth, you're probably going to be ahead of me on any media stories, like Gallagher doing whatever, because I don't do my news reading until about midnight.