tablesaw | Give Me No Reason

I've always had a hard time contacting people for no reason. Even when I had a reason—when my reason was just, "Hey, I wanted to hear your voice and talk to you about whatever came up"—I tend to get paralysis. I don't have this problem in public spaces, like commenting on blogs and journals, but the same fears about calling someone transfer to e-mailing or IMing them.

What's sometimes worse is that, when I realize I've let communication drop, I feel so guilty for not communicating that I don't want to communicate further. That's what we call ~~a vicious circle~~ stupid.

For some reason, I've been feeling isolated at work recently. Sometimes I go to my Gmail/AIM client and look for people to talk to. They're usually asleep during the times when work stretches out in front of me (because that time is about 2 a.m. PDT), but sometimes, even when people are online, I don't feel comfortable making even casual contact.

I've been holding back on making this post because of that latter issue. I can't ask people if it's okay to e-mail or IM them and then go off on vacation where I'm probably not going to e-mail or IM anybody! When I come back, I'll be guilty about not having taken them up on their generous offer! But since I need to get used to the fact that that kind of thinking is stupid, I'm going to do it anyway.

Blogging about it like this is blowing it up a little. It's a little needy, yes; I do feel like I need something, and it's something little, a slight nudge to help me over a speedbump in my brain. I know that, for many of you, I probably already have this permission, under various social contracts. Humor me, please, because it's something I haven't really incorporated into myself. Just give me a little note that I can look to when I feel this stupid doubt and say, "I'm being silly, and here is testimonial evidence of my silliness."

How about it, can I talk to you? You know, eventually?

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I always have AIM on at work so feel free to send me a message any time. :)

If I'm around, feel free to IM me. I do sometimes leave myself logged in, so please don't be offended if I don't reply immediately.

i don't know you at all, but i friended you because you seem interesting and i am not opposed to changing the bit where i don't know you.

also, people are scary. scaaaa-reeeee.

so, if i am online, feel free to ping me.

I know the feeling. I see people online and I think, "Would I be bothering them if I tried to talk to them?"

I am kind of off and on and offline, but do feel free to reach out whenever you want to chat. I am bad about phones - not answering - but I will always call back. I would like to talk to you more often.

Yes. We've never met in person, but I enjoy talking about...just about everything, come to think of it.

And you're certainly not the only one who's done the dance of 'I want to stay in touch'/'I haven't stayed in touch'/'I want to stay in touch but *because* I haven't stayed in touch: awkward'/'is it worth making contact if I don't stay in touch?' etc. Stupid is a good way to sum it up.

;o)

I understand where you're coming from. I pretty much never just call up friends to chat anymore, and I used to do that all the time when I was in college, say.

I sit in front of the computer most of the day and typically have AIM on, so feel free to IM me if you like; if I'm too busy to chat right then, I'll say so, but often I'm able to chat and work simultaneously.

Totes.

If you will put up with someone who says things like "totes" in regular conversation, well, then, here I am. *grin*

...This has nothing to do with the discussion, but that is possibly the most adorable picture of you ever.

If I'm online, feel free to poke at me.

I am always receptive, except when I'm not. But when I'm not, I'll let you know. So assume I am unless I tell you otherwise.

I spent a good chunk of this morning getting my instant messenger programs up and running after a six month period in which I was too busy to use them, and then sat there wondering who I could talk to who wouldn't be offended that I hadn't said anything to them in six months.

So, I feel ya.

You are always welcome to IM me- if I'm really busy I don't leave my messengers running. I'm emmycantbemeeko on everything but gmail, where I'm eeohlin.

If I'm on AIM it's cause I'm wicked bored. If you see me, say hi! We can talk about non-hunt related things which would be awesome. =)

I don't generally like IM, but if my phone were to ring, and it were you, I'd be delighted. That's true today, it'll be true in 6 months or a year, even if I don't hear from you before then.

And it goes double for your lovely fiancee.

my AIM/gaim name is boogiemonika - someone got boogieshoes before me. feel free to poke me when i'm online, but i may be kind of hard to catch, since it looks like we have reversed schedules. i'm usually on in the evenings from 5ish to about 8-9pm. sometimes i'm on as early as 4, because i get off work around 3.30pm.

also, ::hugs:: if acceptable - i know what it's like to be lonely and afraid to 'bother' people.

-bs

Hugs are always acceptable.

It is totally okay to email or IM me.

You don't seem to have much of a problem IMing me, but just in case--of course you can. :)

You can be an instructive example:

When I first started IMing you, I had something very specific to talk about.

Since then, I've IMed you regularly enough not to feel guilty about doing so again.

Sure, whenever. Especially if it's to set a time to play boardgames, but even if it's not.

I feel so guilty for not communicating that I don't want to communicate further

Aww, I do that all the time too. It sucks. I know you don't know me that well, but I'm always up for an email or elljay comments -- I don't do IM a lot. Also I have the Sleep Disorder That Ate Cleveland so I tend to be up when a lot of other people aren't.

I get waaaay distracto online, but I'm always up for a chat with anyone on my flist. That's why I read your journal(s), duh!

Feel free to show up unannounced on my doorstep in the middle of the night carrying a ferret.

Any other form of contact I'm afraid I'd find a little intrusive.

I have a secret. One of my good friends emailed me WEEKS ago, talking about her breakup and how she was doing. At the time, I was incredibly busy. By the time I got my head above water at all, it was a week later. And then, I started thinking "I am a bad friend. And god, now this is gonna be awkward." Which, as you say, is just stupid.

Have I contacted her yet? Nope.

I don't really feel like I know you yet, but we definitely share this pathology. And if you would like to email/IM/LJ comment me about it, or anything else, that's all good... ^_^

I have gotten away from calling people just to chat, because I usually just want to talk to someone for a few minutes, and once I get on the phone with most friends or family members, the conversations can go on for more than a half hour. (Of course, the length of time in between calls probably doesn't help with reducing the length of time per call.) So I end up wasting time on the Internet and wondering why I have no one to go and do things with when my husband is either busy or not interested.

Oh, your question... if you waited until 3AM PDT on weekdays, I would be happy to speak to you on any topic for up to 10 minutes.

Irony is: you posting this the day I sent you a random email because a webcomic reminded me of you. I has not the IM at work, but I know you have a number of ways in which you are always welcome to get 'hold of me.

You can IM all the rest of them, but you still have to call your mother. Have a fabulous time in PR. Love, mom

::giggles::

why am i hearing *my own* mother with this one? ::snorks::

-bs

Man, I never initiate IM contact. Ever. I have the same problem pretty much everywhere else, too, though.

I imagine you hardly know me (other than that we're both NPLers), but I have no objection to anyone pinging me.

Give Me No Reason

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IM your mom

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