THE GREAT ALTOIDO! (The Saga Begins)

[tablesaw]

The other day on ifmud I was struck with the memory of a quickly-made story from college. Here's part one, as told to veek:



TableSaw suddenly remembers the story of The Great Altoido.
veek, wide-eyed, sits by the fire and hushes.
TableSaw says, "Once there was a little boy who lived in a small village at the edge of the forest."
TableSaw says, "The boy's name was Gron, but he had a problem."
TableSaw says, "His problem was that his breath was SOOOO bad, none of the other children of the town would play with him."
veek says, "eek"
TableSaw says, "So instead of playing with him, all the other children made fun of him."
TableSaw says, "They called him names like 'Bad Breath Gron' and 'Stinky cheese Stinky Mouth' and 'Mr. I Can't Breathe.'"
TableSaw says, "One day he got so sad from all of the name calling that he ran into the forest."
TableSaw says, "He ran and ran until he was very lost."
TableSaw says, "Then suddenly, he stumbled into a clearing, and there was"
veek gasps
TableSaw says, "THE GREAT ALTOIDO!"
veek cheers
TableSaw says, "He was huge, 10 feet tall, with four arms."
TableSaw says, "He had a very large head that he used to hold his very large brain, and around it he wrapped a turban."
veek asks, "A PURPLE turban?"
TableSaw says (to veek), "No, not a purple turban."
veek says, "Awwwww."
TableSaw asks (of veek), "Why would THE GREAT ALTOIDO wear a purple turban?"
veek says, "Because it's fun to say, DUH"
veek shakes her head. Silly fun man.
TableSaw says, "He wore a turban of all of the colors of the rainbow. Except for purple, because he hated that color."
veek says, "stoopid altoido"
TableSaw says, "And he had a goatee that was so sharp, you could use it to open cans."
THE GREAT ALTOIDO says (to veek), "DON'T MOCK ME!"
veek cowers in the corner and growls, eye pupils vertical slits
TableSaw says, "'GREETINGS SMELLY-BREATHED GRON!' said THE GREAT ALTOIDO."
TableSaw says, "Gron gasped. 'How do you know my name?'"
TableSaw says, "'I AM THE GREAT ALTOIDO!' said THE GREAT ALTOIDO, 'OF COURSE I KNOW YOUR NAME!'"
veek says, "heeheehee"
TableSaw says, "'And how did you know I have smelly-breath?'"
TableSaw says, "'BECAUSE I COULD SMELL IT TEN MINUTES AGO!'"
TableSaw says, "'BUT FEAR NOT GRON,' said THE GREAT ALTOIDO, 'FOR I CAN HELP YOU!'"
TableSaw says, "And THE GREAT ALTOIDO reached into his flowing robes and pulled out..."
TableSaw says, "Sorry have to work, continue later."
veek says, "YOU DID THAT ON PURPOSE"
veek says, "cliffhanger boy"