Dear Internet:

Stop sending me spam. I'm not talking to spammers (though it'd be nice if they stopped too), I'm talking to everyone else.

Stop reproducing the spam.

I don't care about the five spam-sender names that struck you as mildly droll. They were created randomly. If I want random words, I have several dictionaries that are more useful and edifying than the contents of your spam filter.

I don't care if spam has altered its text to get it past your filter. I didn't want to read it in the first place.

Don't forward spam to me. It confuses my spam filter. The only advantage to this is that the filter now has a higher probability of "accidentally" relegating your normal e-mail to the one-click-away-from-utter-destruction spam folder.

And if you absolutely can't pry your eyes away from the scams, porn, and mortgage applications, at least have the decency to keep it to yourself.