tablesaw: A man comes home frome work, his hat reads "Crossword Makers Inc" (Crossword Makers Inc)
When I started this temp gig, I threw myself at it with abandon. I'd been feeling sad and anxious and worried about not having work and maybe never having work again and being unwanted by everyone, and then there was some work. Yay! Everything fixed.

What actually happened is that instead of resolving the stress and anxiety of not being employed, it was transmuted into a laser-like focus on this new job (again, only a temp job) so that I wasn't paying attention to friends or anything else. It had a new commute long, which was new, but I still felt like at the end of the night I was tired and didn't have time to do or see much.

My friends have been waking me up out of that, and I'm talking with people again, but it’s a small circle of people on my chat, text, and social meetups. Going from talking to almost nobody to talking to a few people again is making me miss the nice broad sweep of broadcast information that a journal gives me. And though I keep reading DW and LJ and Tumblr, I don't interact even in comments, much.

But my schedule is really SNAFU, so I'm not going to make any promises about that. Last week, I only worked 2.8 days because of the U.S. holiday and an extra day I took to spend time with my family on the beach. This week, I'm getting prepared to go to Portland, Oregon for a week and a half for the National Puzzlers' League Convention, followed by a family wedding.

I mean, really; the Con is two days away. The pre-pre-con party is happening right now, I think. I am probably the least prepared for this con than I ever have been for any con ever. I am going to show up on Thursday and I probably still won't understand why all of these people I know happen to be at the hotel. The whole things just feels so weird.

More pressingly, I have no idea what I'm going to do for the three or four extra days that I'm in Portland. I may, in fact, spend them mostly in a hotel room reading actual books. Which will be okay too. But it's more vacation than I'm really used to ever taking in another city on my own.

Poll #11098 PORTLAND
Open to: Registered Users, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 5

What should I do with my free time in Portland, Oregon?

Rambly post is rambly. I defy editing.
tablesaw: A twenty-sided die glows with the power of the Great Old Ones. (Cthulhu Icosahedron)
Which is actually kind of impressive now that I think about it.

All congratulations go to [ profile] joshroby and [ profile] meghatron on their wedding, as well as my thanks for inviting me to the ceremony, party, and afterparty.

I got to catch up with, and get to know better, a lot of the folks I've only met briefly, as well as meet a number of very cool people. (I don't use Facebook in the sense that I don't put anything on my Facebook, but I sure do like the real-life Pokemon aspect of adding everyone I meet.) There were a few times when I needed to leave and take a walk outside, but that was mostly because the music was too loud for me to tolerate without earplugs (which I didn't think to bring). Luckily, I was not the only one, so I was able to make conversation outside the main room most of the time.

After the party was #wedcon which was a lot of folks chilling in a fabulous hotel room in our fancy clothes. Eventually ran the mostly unwritten but excellently named and quite awesome Five Furious Fists of Tiamat. I played "Unnamed Peruvian Teenage Girl," and was quoted for Twitter. By the time I left, it was about 2:30, which was much later than I had intended, but I'm very glad I stayed.

Though I should probably get to sleep early tonight.

(Incidentally, I suggest "Sach'a", which seems to mean something like wood, tree, or born wild in the jungle in Quechua, based ona little bit of web searching.)
tablesaw: -- (Default)
Work: We are understaffed; I've been dealing with lots of stress.

RPG: Unknown Armies is fun. Look at my map. Cthulhu next.

Videogames: I just keep playing Mr. Driller; need to restart DDR.

Wedding: June 19; looking at Marrakesh House; working on guest list.

TV: Lots of fun stuff, Mercy's a surprise winner for me.

Fandom: Joined [ profile] whedonland on Team Angel. Having lots of fun playing.

Books: Reading LA history slowly, catching up on Escape Artist podcasts.

Weather: Rained two days, then back to heat. I miss the rain.

Clothes: Bought new shoes and pants; sitting between 36" and 38" waist.
tablesaw: -- (Real1)
This weekend, [ profile] ojouchan and I drove up the I-5 to attend my cousin's wedding at the High Hand Nursery in Loomis, California. During the ceremony, the officiant read statements by the bride and groom, answering questions like "How did you meet for the first time?" and "What was your first kiss like?" While cute, I knew this wasn't for Ojou and my wedding when they got to the question "Where do you see the two of you in 50 years?" and in my head I answered:
Stepping out of my flying car with my new cyborg body, I extend my fifth waldo to my robomate . . .

No Con Do

Jul. 8th, 2009 05:14 pm
tablesaw: -- (Real1)
The NPL Convention is this weekend in Baltimore, and I'm not going. Instead, [ profile] ojouchan and I will be taking part in my sister's wedding on Saturday, which is a midge more important.

Between now and then I have to get myself a haircut, and Ojou's got all manner of things she plans to do. We've also got to get started on planning our own wedding, which we will do by taking notes the entire weekend.

But it's always weird not going to Con. I was reminded the other day that the NPL Con is a defining fact of my life for many people, since it features so prominently in the story of how I met Ojou. Some friends had heard Will Shortz talk about it on NPR last week and were wondering when I was leaving. And there are still plenty of folks at the Con who probably expect me to show up.

Luckily, the internet has come a long way, and a number of the puzzles that are going to be in circulation will become available on the internet. I've already solved my first handout, a quick cryptic by [personal profile] canadianpuzzler.

And speaking of quick cryptics, National Puzzler's League Cryptic Crosswords is a brilliant collection of 45 crosswords from the NPL's magazine The Enigma. As the book has gone out of print, a PDF of the book has been made available for free download.


Oct. 13th, 2003 10:32 am
tablesaw: Katsuhiko Jinnai, from El Hazard (Jinnai)
I've been trying to write a letter to Ex, but it's not happening. Well, something's happening, but it's not the letter I'm supposed to write. Ex got married last week, and I have yet to say anything about it. The problem is that every time I set down something, I start pouring out my own issues, which isn't the point. And trying to cut all of that out leaves me with something so stiff and impersonal that it's almost and insult. Not what I want to say at all.

(For those just joining us, here's some background for my relationship with Ex and my relationship with Ex after my relationship with Ex: 3/17/2002, 6/22/2002, 9/19/2002 and possibly some other entries I can't find.)

Ex and I became close friends in Washington, D.C, where we attended one year of college together. At the end of that year, we both moved to different colleges, but we kept in close contact, thanks largely to her weekend job as a secretary at a business with a liberal toll-free-phone-line policy. Eventually, on a visit to LA, we started dating, and tried to continue it long-distance off and on for a while.

Breaking up with Ex is directly tied in to my ultimate crash at the end of a very long slide into the depths of depression. I can clearly trace back my depression to my Sophomore year in high school, but I'd always managed, generally, to keep things more or less balanced. Leaving school cut me loose in many ways, and I just got very, very bad. Depression severely warped my perception of reality in the months after I graduated from college, and I alienated my friends and family until I was pinning a lot of my life on my relationship with Ex. That relationship was falling apart because, well, I was falling apart; but I couldn't see/accept it. Eventually, on a long-before-scheduled trip to her home town where she finally, actually, firmly broke up with me, I had a complete breakdown.

Since then, I've been able to put my mind back together to a certain extent, though it's still a journey. Anyway, I need to get back to Ex.

At the end of our "relationship," Ex started seeing someone, whom we will call Xi (because I like saying "Ksaie!"). Considering what I've told you above, and even guessing at my mental state at the time, you can imagine that my view of Xi wasn't very pretty, or very accurate. A lot of my residual rage from that time is directed at him.

If you've looked at my "research" posts, you'll know that Ex and I have been in touch with each other for about a year now, through web journals. I guess this may be a new and interesting use of the Internet, but it's been good for me. I've gotten used to Ex being in my thoughts in new situations, ones that don't involve me being a ranting madman. But with this wedding, I realize that I haven't quite gotten closure on that time in my life. I've moved on, but there's still a little bit open.

I feel like I need to see her again, to solidify the communication we've had since the break up, to know that it's real, to have something slightly more like what we had before things got strange, back when we were friends who could talk for hours about art, philosophy, anime, and anything else.

Also, I need to meet Xi again. No, not again. I don't really think that first time counted. I think I'm better off assuming that I never met Xi and that what I remember from meeting him was just an elaborate imagining from my brain which bears no resemblance to reality. Ex really only talks about Xi tangentially in her journal, so that doesn't really give me a whole lot to go on. I feel like I need some reality to counteract the nightmare of three years ago, so that I can actually see why my friend is marrying him.

Wow. Three years. It's been a long time. I haven't really caught up with that part of my life. It feels more like a year ago. So much wasted space.

I'm still iffy on the letter, so here it is. Any and all suggestions are appreciated before I send this out: Read more... )


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