Personal Stake.
Nov. 3rd, 2004 09:29 amI'd just gone shopping. There was lots of chocolate and sweets and salts in paper bags in my trunk. I wasn't listening to NPR, I already ehard the Morning Edition broadcast twice. So I was listening to KROQ, where Kevin and Bean were talking about the latter's new prison penpal. And that's where I heard that Kerry had conceded.
And suddenly my life felt better.
I'd been denying it. I'd been taking the lines of some of my friends. I was worried about another four years of socially and economically regressive governing, of course. I was fighting an uninformed public, of course. I was . . . whatever. And all of that was true, but it wasn't why I felt like my life could fall apart at any time.
It was four years ago that I flew to Tennessee to visit an ex-girlfriend whom I still tried to believe was my girlfriend. When she put me up in the guest room of her parents' home. I turned on CNN to see the recount. The recount was also on at the franchise mall restaurant where I slumped through a hamburger with her and her new boyfriend. Shortly after, a self-made tower of lies and delusions crumbled down and left my life in shambles.
This whole thing has been like a flashback with no flash. Just a low rumbling in the background of every smear, every accusation of fraud, every bouncing poll. Every horror story about prolonged litigation actually filled me with horror. And I couldn't get around it. It was like scratching at flea bites that wouldn't go away.
I wonder if it's going to be like this every four years. Stress, anxiety, prayers that the election ends before midnight, and fears that chaos at the polls will mean chaos in my life. I wonder if the pride I take in state politics will continue to turn rancid when I look back to Washington.
Fuck provisional ballots. Kerry's given me some peace today, and he didn't even have to win.
And suddenly my life felt better.
I'd been denying it. I'd been taking the lines of some of my friends. I was worried about another four years of socially and economically regressive governing, of course. I was fighting an uninformed public, of course. I was . . . whatever. And all of that was true, but it wasn't why I felt like my life could fall apart at any time.
It was four years ago that I flew to Tennessee to visit an ex-girlfriend whom I still tried to believe was my girlfriend. When she put me up in the guest room of her parents' home. I turned on CNN to see the recount. The recount was also on at the franchise mall restaurant where I slumped through a hamburger with her and her new boyfriend. Shortly after, a self-made tower of lies and delusions crumbled down and left my life in shambles.
This whole thing has been like a flashback with no flash. Just a low rumbling in the background of every smear, every accusation of fraud, every bouncing poll. Every horror story about prolonged litigation actually filled me with horror. And I couldn't get around it. It was like scratching at flea bites that wouldn't go away.
I wonder if it's going to be like this every four years. Stress, anxiety, prayers that the election ends before midnight, and fears that chaos at the polls will mean chaos in my life. I wonder if the pride I take in state politics will continue to turn rancid when I look back to Washington.
Fuck provisional ballots. Kerry's given me some peace today, and he didn't even have to win.